Day Two: Qualified

Dear God,

What in your mind qualifies me to be a minister?

When I was following the direction of our fivefold ministry, I didn’t have this question on my mind. I just read the word and let you fill me up to the point of letting you speak through me. Your spirit was enough to change the lives of those I was teaching. Even if that word cut a little, it was still right on time and meant to save a soul from Hell.

Now, I feel so out of practice that I wonder why anyone would invite me to speak in front of a congregation. The last time I tried to preach, I had my notes that I’d written and researched a week in advance, and I had my scriptures carefully thought out and organized. I even had a few additional scriptures on hand in case someone needed further explanation. But when the time came, and I got the audience’s full attention, I sounded like I didn’t know what I was talking about.

I took a pic in my very first ministry robe before my speaking engagement some time in the mid-2000s. (Image: Veronica Downing)

I was held captive by the blank stares on their faces as I fumbled through written cues that I had forgotten to follow. I felt stupid for incorrectly translating a scripture I’d read hundreds of times before. I even got a raised eyebrow from my dad, the senior bishop of the church, for misinterpreting one of King David’s psalms.

In short, my first sermon in over eight years was an absolute trainwreck with me as the absentminded conductor. All because I tried to present myself as anything but what I was: an ordinary girl who failed to connect to the Holy Spirit before speaking to the crowd.

We, as believers, need to understand that we are nothing without you and can do nothing without you. Let’s face it: when you told us that we could do “great things,” many of us took that on the chin and started coming up with reasons why we were woefully unqualified to try. The other percentage, however, heard that phrase, started overthinking, and aimed at stars that weren’t meant for us.

Of course, it's not good to veer off into either extreme, for they’re equally destructive. But if the goal is to build confidence and trust in you, can a man be blamed for his trajectory or descent? After all, they both need your direction and must find value in getting that direction from you. But it won’t happen right away.

That’s why I’m grateful for your patience, Jesus. Anyone else would have just given up on me, and I’m sure that option was on their minds as they watched me fumble about with my text. 

I’m sure Moses, Joshua, David, and even Paul all felt that way when you chose them to speak on your behalf. Jonah…. he didn’t even try. Let’s not talk about him.

But you reminded them all that you were with them, though you knew their shortcomings. You didn’t ask for a degree or a resume. Actually, they spent more time telling you why they couldn’t take the job than trusting that you would equip them.

Maybe that was my problem as well. I spent more time telling you what I was unqualified to do than trusting that your power was greater than my abilities or lack thereof. Is that what you mean when you say that you qualify those you’ve called?

Had I just tapped into your holy spirit and let you speak through me as you did Moses, I believe someone would have given their lives to you that day. And that is a cross that I have to bear. True obedience means me getting over myself, and letting you use me.

Well, it’s getting late and I’ve a long day ahead of me. As always, thank you for listening, and for being my God.

Your servant,

A Young Pastor